It feels like.. I was petrified.
Lost in the desert, covered in agony.
Running in nonexistent maze, walking over the dunes.
I was trying to find the way back, when you gently pat my shoulder — staring at me.
I berated myself for not doing enough.
I berated myself for getting lost over and over again.
The extreme agony in me started to feel like dark magic — swallowed me into the darkness.
I was about to hold back my tears.
I don’t want you to see it.
I tried to conceal it.
But i failed, as soon as you talked.
You placed your thumb, gliding through my cheek, and softly said,
“I’m always here.”
The toxic trait inside me said, “he lied.”
Everyday started to feels dreary.
I started to ask,
“is this alright?”
“is this what am i supposed to do?”
“am i doing okay?”
I felt lonely. I felt lonely. I felt lonely.
I tried to be a ‘hikikomori’ but you laughed at me, said that it was a lunatic thoughts.
Banish that from your mind, for I will be right here beside you through the light and the night.
I didn’t know what I’m looking for.
Reassurance.
Validation.
A clear path.
Or maybe.. All of them?
You caressed my hair and my palm, saying this spell over and over again as if you tried to bewitched me.
you’re never lonely, i’m right here before you ask.
you’re never lonely, my shoulder is always yours to cry on.
i will never let you sink in the darkness.
i will never let go of your hand.
But after all this times,
I still lost and there were so many questions left unanswered.
And after all this times,
Again.
And again.
You said,
